You know you're a Republican/Democrat if...

I would like to share some very clever, funny-because-they're-true, political jokes showing the extremes of both sides. You'll laugh at the one about the other party, and then probably laugh harder about the one that represents your party. These are a few of my favorites. And though it seems these kinds of jokes would fuel bipartisan politics, I think the fact that you can laugh at the ridiculous truthfulness from both sides brings both sides closer together.

You know you’re a Republican if…you wouldn’t mind if the Commonwealth of Massachusetts seceded from the Union..
You know you’re a Democrat if…you wish the Republic of Texas never became a state

You know you’re a Republican if…you prove your racial sensitivity by saying Gracias to your gardener.
You know you’re a Democrat if…you’re strongly committed to racial equality even if you don’t personally know a single person of a different race.

You know you’re a Republican if…you write to your congressmen in defense of the interest income tax deduction for vacation homes.
You know you’re a Democrat if…you write to your congressmen and suggest a $1 tax return check off for endangered jellyfish.

You know you’re a Republican if…you liked high school. You studied hard enough to get into the college you wanted to attend. You had a girlfriend with nice hair.
You know you’re a Democrat if…you couldn’t wait to get out of high school. You either were a feminist or dated one. You studied your brains off. You joined the debate team, or the school paper, or better yet, both. You wore black.

You know you’re a Republican if…you got a “B” on your Western Civilization midterm paper. You also got a date with the girl who sits next to you. College is even better than high school!
You know you’re a Democrat if…you got a “B” on your Western Civilization midterm paper. You plan to spend the weekend revising it and on Monday will beg the professor to let you resubmit it. You’ll need to break your date with that doofus who sits next to you. What were you thinking?

You know you’re a Republican if…you have a home aquarium. The big fish kills the little fish. So you get another big fish. They fight constantly. “Animals are like that” you think.
You know you’re a Democrat if…you have a home aquarium. The big fish kills the little fish. You hold a funeral for the little fish. You are at a loss for what to do. You give away the big fish. You put the empty aquarium in the attic. “Whew, no more fighting,” you think.

You know you’re a Republican if…you’ve never seen a government social services program that you thought was worth increasing your taxes for
You know you’re a Democrat if…you’ve never seen a social program that you weren’t willing to pay other taxpayer’s money on

You know you’re a Republican if…you thought your college professors were flamingly liberal.
You know you’re a Democrat if…you are a college professor.

You know you’re a Republican if…you want to stem the tide of illegal immigrants getting into the U.S…. but then again somebody’s got to mow your lawn….
You know you’re a Democrat if…you sort of sympathize with undocumented workers (“illegal immigrants” sounds so, well, harsh) but the unions want the borders closed and… oh, shoot…you’re just so confused!

You know you’re a Republican if…you think every Democrat is a closet Communist.
You know you’re a Democrat if…you think every Republican is closeted.